Elevate Your Self Pleasure

Shannen Barry

August 22, 2024

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5 min read

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Let's talk about solo-play!

Masturbation is a completely natural and normal sexual expression, regardless of gender.

The Benefits of Masturbation

Let's have a quick look at the benefits, shall we?

Lowered stress
Improved sleep
Relieves tension
Helps relieve period pain
Enhances your sex life
Boosts your mood
Increases self-confidence
Improved connection to your body
Empowering
Makes you a better person (in my opinion anyways hehe)

Now obviously the benefits may differ from person to person, but overall, self-pleasure can be pretty amazing.

Elevating the Masturbation Experience

Alright, so how can we elevate this masturbation time? There are a number of ways you can do this. Just like sex, you should change up your routine with self-pleasure. The goal shouldn't just be to orgasm every time. I mean sure, sometimes you just want a quick release, and that's totally fine. But don't do that every time! Focus on the sensations, the feelings you get, and don't put too much emphasis on orgasm.

If you had someone coming over for sex, you'd create a nice sexy atmosphere, wouldn't you? Light some candles, put on sexy music, have a clean room and make it inviting. So why wouldn't you put in that same effort for your own pleasure? You're worth it, babe, even if you're by yourself.

Make your space sensual AF. Slip into some lingerie that makes you feel like sexy. Turn down the lights and set the mood with some candles. Do whatever makes you feel sexy and in the mood. Invest in some sexy outfits, luxurious sheets, anything that amps up the vibe.

Now it's time to stock up on some self-loving supplies! Having a quality lubricant can take things to a whole new level. Go for a water-based or silicone-based formula that's body-safe. Apply it to your vulva, to yourl fingers, and your favourite toys. The extra lubrication can seriously enhance the pleasure and sensations. Lube is for eveyone.

It's not just for partnered sex - use it for solo play as well (and remember, spit it not lube!)

Speaking of toys, there are lots of different options to explore. Vibrators are a classic, from basic bullet vibes to powerful magic wands. Dildos come in all shapes, sizes and textures for all sorts of internal play. Anal toys like plugs or prostate massagers can open up intense new sensations too. You could even explore sensation toys, restraints, nipple clamps...the possibilities are endless! Most sex toys are waterproof now, which is a great plus. If you're new to toys, maybe try out a few different ones. There's a multitude of sensations - vibrations, sucking, blowing, pulsing, thumping etc. Find out which ones you like best and try it out! Sex toys are for all genders.

No matter what toys you choose, always prioritise body-safe materials and ensure you keep them clean. Wash properely after every use!

There are loads of other creative ways vulva owners can get off too:

Your hands (duh)
The shower head
Humping something (a pillow works great)
Using household items (get creative, safely!)

Seriously, so many options to experiment with. And masturbation is the perfect way to learn exactly what gets you going. Maybe you're a clit girl who loves intense, direct stimulation. Or maybe you prefer focusing on your g-spot area with some internal massaging. Perhaps nipple play is your favourite way to receive pleasure.

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Mindful and Exploratory Solo-Play

So you've got the vibe set - candles lit, sexy tunes playing, lingerie on point, lube and toys at the ready. What's next?

Take your time. Seriously.

Sloooow it down.

Start by exploring your hot spots and erogenous zones with some tantric-style teasing. You don’t have to go straight for your clit. Circle around it, graze past it, build up the tension.

This is also a great time to tap into mindfulness practices as you explore. Take deep, cleansing breaths and tune into the sensations. Notice how the vibrations, textures and strokes feel rippling across your nerve endings without judging or attaching to any particular sensations. When your mind wanders, gently guide it back to experiencing the present moment. This can really help if you find your mind easily wanders during partnered sex (I’m an ADHD girlie and I can struggle with this!). If this is an issue for you, self pleasure is a great time to practice this skill - and mindfulness is a skill. Practicing this when masturbating is great as you have no external factors to worry about, and once you learn how to do this by yourself, you can start to apply the mindfulness techniques when you’re with a partner too.

When you finally do start directly playing with your clitoris, take it slow and exploratory. Use your fingers, palm, knuckles, whatever feels good. Gently pull at your labia. Swirl around your clitoris with different pressures. Insert your fingers or a toy vaginally and experiment with different angles and rhythms until you find what pleasures you.

Don't go straight for the release though - edging yourself can lead to some of the most powerful, explosive orgasms when you finally go over the edge. Bring yourself right to the precipice, halt, and hold yourself there as the sensation builds and builds. You can do this a few times to build up to an intense orgasm.

Self-Pleasure as Self-Care

Self-pleasure is an amazing form of self-care, it means you are making yourself a priority. I genuinely think everyone should take 20-30 minutes (or hell, longer if you want!) a few times a week (or daily) to truly indulge in this sensual self-loving practice. It's the ultimate way to connect with your body, silence your mind, and it's a fun experience. And what is pleasure, if not fun?

The clitoris has over 10,000 nerve endings, did you know that? Its sole purpose is pleasure. What is so fun about self-pleasure - you get to explore and experiment to find exactly what works for you.

So take your time exploring those zones. Don't rush it. Breathe into the sensations. Stroke yourself, grab yourself, play with different rhythms and intensities. You know your body best, so indulge in whatever feels euphoric for you in that moment.

When you take the time to truly get intimate with yourself, that's when the magic happens. Savour those toe-curling, breath-stealing, delicious moments. Because you deserve to experience that mind-blowing pleasure.

And we know from all the above benefits, that masturbation is amazing for stress. Got a busy work day? Have a meeting you're dreading? MASTURBATE!
It can help with your nervousness and let's you practice that mind-body connection.
It's also a good idea to masturbate before a first date - this way you know if you're actually into them, or if you're just horny.

And don't be afraid to bring those self-loving practices into partnered play too. Masturbating in front of your lover can be really hot. Or take turns pleasuring each other mimicking the strokes and rhythms you use solo. Getting cosy with self-pleasure deepens your sexual connection with yourself and others.

At the end of the day, masturbation should be a wildly pleasurable experience. It's not just about getting off, it's about discovering, cherishing, and prioritising your own sensual delights. So light those candles, put on your sexy lingerie, and immerse yourself in arousing sights, sounds, smells, tastes and textures. Make this me-time a mind-blowing sensual experience every single time. You're worth it.

Maintaining a Healthy Balance

It's important to keep things in balance though and be mindful that masturbation doesn't become a compulsive behavior. If you find yourself struggling to control your urges or letting masturbation interfere with other areas of life, that could be a sign of addiction or compulsivity. Make sure to keep self-pleasure as part of a healthy sex life, not something you're constantly overdoing to the detriment of other needs. Practice moderation.